I was nine years old when I experienced my first heartbreak. Nalaman ko kasing ginagamit lang ako nung crush ko para mapalapit sa kaibigan ko, which is crush ng crush ko.

I cried. But my best friend, Xander, wiped those tears off my face and he said, “ako na lang kasi dapat ‘yung crush mo.”

I laughed. ‘Cause we’re only young that time and besides, he’s only joking.

I was fourteen years old when I experienced my second heartbreak. My mom and dad got separated. I did everything to fix our family but it looks like their decision was already made.

Xander’s also there to hug me and give me such motivating words. He also said, “kapag tayo naging isang pamilya, hinding-hindi ko gagawin ‘yon sa’yo.”

I let out a smile. I know it’s also his own kind of comforting.

I was seventeen years old when I experienced my third heartbreak. I caught my first boyfriend kissing another girl. He apologized, but then he confessed that he’s been in a relationship with that girl.

That’s also the first time I saw Xander’s raging eyes after I told him about that thing. Gustong-gusto niyang sapakin ‘yung ex ko but I calm him down and told him everything’s fine. At least, nagpakatotoo ‘yon sa ‘kin. Though on the other side, sobrang sakit.

Xander hugged me tight and told me to cry my heart out. But, I heard him whispered, “if I am him, I will never break your heart.”

I was twenty years old when I experienced my fourth heartbreak. My second boyfriend broke up with me. He confessed na mahal niya pa pala ang ex niya.

Xander suggested me to drink instead of crying and thinking how worthless I am. Uminom lang kami nang uminom dahil iyon daw lang naman ang solusyon sa problema.

That night, doon ko nakita ‘yung totoong Sander. In-open niya sa’kin lahat ng problema at bigat na matagal niya...

nang kinikimkim. He also cried in front of me. That was the time I saw Sander’s weak side.

Of course, I comforted him. I did my very best para mapagaan ‘yung loob niya. And out of the blue, he confessed…

He told everything about me. He reminisced those days we’ve met and those people who broke my heart. But what’s surprising is, he confessed his feelings towards me. According to him, matagal niya na akong gusto—o mahal.

The next day, he didn’t mention those things he said last night. Hindi ko na rin binanggit sa kanya dahil alam ko namang nakakalimot ang isang tao kapag nalalasing. Sinubukan ko siyang tanungin tungkol doon pero mukhang wala nga siyang maalala.

I was twenty two years old when Xander made something for me. He invited me for a date. And that was also the day when he asked me something.

With a rose on his hand and kneeling in front of me, he asked, “will you be my girlfriend, Jamie?”

I said ‘no’ and left him alone.


Why does it feels like it’s my fifth heartbreak?

And that was the day I started ignoring him. But Sander continue chasing me and he even said, “hindi kita susukuan. Matagal na akong naghihintay sa’yo tapos susuko na lang ako ng gan’on lang? Hell, no.”

So, I let him.

I was twenty five years old today, standing in front of the altar while wearing a long, white gown… facing the man I want to be with till the rest of my life.

Today, I’m marrying the man who served as my handkerchief and my pillow. The man who stayed at my side when everyone left me around—my best friend, Sander.

The man who keeps on fixing my heart every time it becomes broken.

On this day, I’m assured I won’t have another heartbreak with him. I am sure that he’ll maintain the condition of my heart—cracked, yet still trying to be whole.